It’s official—America is now under attack from a parasite, not just from within the halls of power but right on our dinner plates. For weeks, health officials have been scrambling to contain a wave of stomach-wrenching, dignity-destroying diarrhea sweeping across over 30 states. Over 5,000 unlucky Americans have found themselves glued to the nearest bathroom, and the culprit? Not greasy burgers or so-called “junk food,” but the supposedly “healthy” stuff liberals are always lecturing everyone to eat: lettuce and other fresh produce.
The irony is so thick you could cut it with a plastic fork from Taco Bell, the fast-food giant now under the microscope. That’s right, as people clutch their abdomens from Michigan to California, federal busybodies are probing Taco Bell to see if their lettuce kicked off this nationwide nightmare. All those government-issued food pyramids, all the climate-crazed plant-based nonsense—where did it get us? Right here, where grabbing a salad could land you out of commission for weeks.
Why is nobody talking about how our “fresh food” supply has never been more globalized? Produce is being hauled from who-knows-where, handled by who-knows-whom, and the American people are left suffering the literal consequences. Instead of defending America’s food security and demanding quality, our leaders waste time on nonsense like pronouns and ESG scores, letting parasites run wild while lectures about “health” never end.
And what’s the official response? A lot of finger-pointing and fancy words. Federal agencies are tripping over their own bureaucratic nonsense—suggesting precautions, promising investigations, and then reminding us they haven’t found a smoking gun. Meanwhile, some Taco Bells are yanking ingredients from their menus “just in case.” Funny how they move faster to protect lettuce than they do our borders.
If you had “diarrhea outbreak” on your Biden-era bingo card, congratulations. Maybe it’s time to ignore the elite snobs who want us to worship leafy greens and instead stick to real American food—like a juicy steak hot off the grill. Common sense: meat doesn’t carry mystery parasites from halfway around the world. Are we sick of the vegetables yet, or are folks just going to keep taking their “greens” with a side of government incompetence?
Source: Townhall
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